From the Depths

My journals before it happened.

12/30/2024 – “Dear God, please give me a sign that your timing is divine and that you have a plan for me and my baby and our family.”

12/31/2024 – “..whatever your plan is, Lord, I will follow. Please keep your loving hand over us today and keep us both healthy and safe..”

It’s bone chilling to read these entries when it was me before. Before being a mom and before having cancer. I prayed to God a lot of days in 2024. He’s always been a part of my life, but prayer never seemed to really click for me. Journaling and thanking God daily seemed to bring me closer than other forms. Before, though, I would pray because it seemed like the right thing to do. Not because I felt it in my soul that I needed to pray.

That’s why I get chills thinking about myself writing that I will follow God’s plan before I had any little idea of what it would be. Being a mom and meeting my son so soon was certainly part of that prayer and a lot of the anxiety that I felt at the time. But, all that was to come after meeting my son was not part of any plan that I could have imagined. I have chosen to believe that there is a greater purpose in this. And how God’s timing really truly was divine and how his miracles saved my life in more ways than one. And that there is something that will come from this that will help take away the hurt a little bit at a time. Maybe even help others. And certainly will shape me into the person I am supposed to be, to live and love like Jesus did.